Friday, May 30, 2014

Prince Charming Isn't Real Either

I like Arthur Chu's blog that discusses the dangers of nerdy guys believing the myth that as long as they work hard, they'll get the girl. (Your Princess Is in Another Castle: Misogyny, Entitlement, and Nerds) My only criticism is the ending. He says these men need to grow up. While that may be true, it's not enough. Perhaps Chu can write Part 2? In the meantime, I have a few comments on the topic... 

I love nerdy guys. My husband's perfect GPA from MIT was a big part of his sex appeal! :-) I hate to see nerds suffer. Chu's article made me sad for the nerdy guys. Who is giving them advice when their hearts get broken? Where can they go to cry? The men's rights organizations are too focused on rights, and no, men don't have a right to a girl. But they do have a right to pursue happiness. Perhaps they could learn from women? 

When women are heart-broken, we call our friends and talk for hours. We get pedicures and read Vogue. We get massages. We re-read every Bridget Jones book, and call our moms and our grandmas. We have access to about a million self-help books that teach us how to be self-sufficient, to rebound from a broken heart, to take care of ourselves. What do men have?

We women grew up thinking that Prince Charming would arrive. We've had to learn the hard way that he isn't coming, but at least we have support. We have girlfriends, guy friends, sisters, moms, aunts, grandmas, all willing to talk about our feelings and to help us return to thinking rationally about our love lives. And if that fails, there's always Ben and Jerry, and old Hugh Grant movies.   

In my case, Prince Charming didn't arrive, but love did, in the shape of a tall, gangly, brilliant software engineer. He wasn't Prince Charming, but he was somewhat charming, chivalrous, and romantic.

He was also persistent. He had to be persistent "to get the girl." But his persistence wasn't pressure to have sex (I had to get that going! :-). His persistence was taking me out on dates, bringing me fresh strawberries as a surprise one morning in February (we lived in California where strawberries ripen early), teaching me modular arithmetic, and going to movies together. 

We knew we were meant for each other when we both agreed that Star Trek III: The Search for Spock was way better than that silly Terms of Endearment

I think Back to the Future sealed the deal. We both loved that movie and still do. So we got married! Our plans for our 28th anniversary Sunday are dinner at a fancy restaurant, followed by watching Silicon Valley, followed by watching Cosmos, followed by... (censored). :-) 

Perhaps any nerdy guys who read this can learn from my hubby. Or maybe they could take my advice to watch Hugh Grant movies!?! OK, I admit, a lot of guys can't stand Hugh Grant... 

So, guys, start helping yourselves. You understand what will help better than we women do, whether it's support groups, blogging, movies, talking more to each other, etc. But be sure to talk to us women too. We're good with this touchy-feely stuff, and a lot of us would be glad to help. 

1 comment:

  1. Great writing, Priscilla. Perhaps if i was better at writing I could offer a smoother expiation of what I think could help. My opinion anyway, I can't speak for other guys. Historically we giving given up privilege in order that gals might have more option, far from compete I admit but a lot of progress I think.

    From our side it seem clear that gals are given the privilege of controlling sex.

    Guys are just not in the same position to demand that gals give up this privilege as say
    gals demanding equal pay for equal work. Our best option seems not to participate in the mating rituals dictated by gender roles. And perhaps this is what geeky guys are in fact doing when they do their geeky things.

    Of course this is going to lead to an explosion in a small number of individuals.
    kind of like what happens to a small number of priests.